All the Jazz of 2024

[lethurgica]

Usually when I write these bits of retrospection, I take like one-gajillion hours. This one I'm going to try to make quick, in the spirit of spontaneity :3 I'm sure there will be plenty of jumbled and wordy sentences. I don't care. (sorry!)

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I've become more precious about a great many things. I don't believe I've always been this way. I've always tended to chase things that are fleeting, be it feelings or memories, and when all's said and done I was always okay with letting it all go. For the person who I was and the people surrounding my youth, I get this sentiment, and I know why it was necessary. These days I am not as embarrassed or unsure or uncaring of myself as I used to be, and as a byproduct of that, I've enjoyed making proper memories of the people I've met, the places I've visited, and the things I've read and watched.

A lot of big lessons were learned this year. I think I've spent a lot of time restructuring the ways in which I want to communicate to other people. I also finally learned how to take an actual, proper rest, one which does not involve me wistlessly rolling through YouTube or some other social media while agonizing over things that I should already be doing. (This is not restful, especially for your brain!) I'm also a little more attuned with my own wants and limits, which has been so helpful for making plans and befriending people.

Speaking of people, I have met many interesting people and gotten to know them better this past year! I'm the most grateful for this. It is such like a huge breather to be able to express love and feel it again, whether its a hidden romantic crush or a platonic appreciation or a familial warmth or literally anything else. I am admittedly still sort of a mess of a human being toward other human beings, but I feel a little less ashamed for being so >:3c (Whether that's a truly good or bad thing is still to be contested.)

There are two pieces of advice that I've heard repeated again and again throughout this year, that I would like to carry on to my next year. The first is to be curious. I've heard this about 2-3 times just in the span of the last week, so I'm just going to take it as a premonition. The second one, which I learned from reading an article about archival research, is to value partial answers. I think I've always been anxious about answers lacking in whole, which makes it really difficult for me to pursue new or difficult things, so it would be nice if I could keep the concept of partial answers in mind more often.

Uhhh let's see, stuff I wanna do next year... more drawing, more writing, more reading, I wanna learn how to code and scare my friends who code professionally :^), I'd also like to do more practical experiments for drawing/writing purposes, and I want to make more physical projects, too. It would probably do me good to understand a little more about my relationship with food also. I've always been curious, just never really thought twice about it.

I wish everyone the most warmth and joys for the upcoming year.

:D