Saying Goodbye to Cohost

[lethurgica]

The time for Cohost to go is closing in, and I'm still not really ready to say goodbye. I'm saying this here and not Cohost because, well, I'd like to keep the mood lively, if only for a little longer.

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I didn't realize how much it would mean to me that Cohost is going. The amount of times I've spent in the last month having things I want to share, hesitating, and trying to post it elsewhere—there's been a continually growing pang, realizing that my connections will soon grow fragmented, knowing that some people will feel more distant to me than before—it's a little sad, really!

Truthfully, while making this Dreamwidth, I felt like I was wobbling. I can't really imagine myself being active here, or in any of the other places that I've tried to plop myself in. Dreamwidth, your vibes are simply too different for me to be sure. I might just go back to my cave!!! Just kidding. The only person who can shun me is myself >:3c, and you can bet I won't do that without at least trying to make things work.

I had been swirling myself around a sea of academia-related stuff when Cohost was announcing its shutdown. It felt bizarre, because Cohost was the reason I found myself wading around academic stuff again, in the first place. When I first poked around on Cohost, I was relatively fresh out of uni, you see. Went in pursuit of statistics and data science, left with a degree and trauma for both (heeeey, we love that for us!!). Any mention of code and stats in those days made me dizzy and sent me into a haze. (It still kinda does.) The more I mingled around on Cohost, the more aware I was of the good number of people there who were very literate in statistics and coding. It was so, so incredibly healing, to see people who were genuinely curious or were making very funny, unserious stuff with the things that I had become so frightened of. Thanks to them, I was able to take a few steps back and give myself a little more curiosity for the things I had learned. This much alone will always be invaluable to me.

I've always existed as a sort-of drive-by pillager on many socmeds, before Cohost came along. I'm great at echoing and passing along the thoughts of others. Can't say I do the same for my own thoughts. It's not all that unique an experience, I feel. When you grow up alongside social media, it's not difficult to start thinking that any and all the thoughts you have are likely redundant, and not worth sharing. Usually, there's always something better to share. But it didn't feel that way on Cohost. Some people might say that it's because rebugs didn't get you big numbers on Cohost, or that Cohost was a small enough platform that the rebug economy wasn't that ripe for picking; I think for me it was the simple fact that I was surrounded on Cohost by people who had no problem talking about themselves, whether it be their moods, their interests, or their thoughts about very mundane things. It's because of these folks that I felt compelled to do the same, and I'll always be grateful for that.

I've also realized, thanks to these people, that I don't have to share the same interests with others to enjoy their company. I fucking love it when people are cooking their thoughts about something that I have absolutely no context for. I learn a great deal of things when people talk about things that they're fascinated by, especially if those things lie entirely outside of my interests. Even the very ordinary thoughts that people choose to share about their lives, regardless if they're good or bad, can become worthwhile to me—sometimes I find it incredibly comforting just to know that the people around me are living their lives.

I will miss Cohost when it goes. I've been changed in many ways, learned a whole lot of things. I'm so fucking grateful, and I'll hold that feeling close to my heart for a long, long time.

Anyways!!

I might pop in here now and then, to talk about stuff I've read, watched, or listened to. Maybe I'll talk about the things I've drawn. I think it would also be nice to celebrate some memories of Cohost every year around this time? (late Sep-early Oct) I'm just a bit sentimental like that. No promises, though. (lol)